Oh Cellphone, Cellphone, wherefore art thou Cellphone?


Have you ever tried being without your cellphone for a certain period of time?


I have. Twice in one week.


Well, it wasn’t really a conscious decision. It was more like an “Alice-in- Wonderland-White-rabbit” moment. Calling down the passage,

“Hurry up, we are going to be late!!!!”,

while pouring Woolies filter coffee into my on-the-go coffee mug and packing sandwiches into lunch boxes.  Simultaneously.   So the honest answer is that I forgot my phone at home trying to get the girls to school on time. Yes, twice. In one week. And I was in a slight panic when I realised it was lying on the kitchen counter, next to the kettle.  My concern was not around it lying next to the kettle, but because it wasn’t in my handbag.  Who wouldn’t be?

“What if one of the girls fall and need stitches and school cannot get hold of me?”

“What if I am in a car accident, unable to speak, and they can’t alert my family?”

“What if there is something important in my diary that my 40+ memory had not filed?”

I of course urged myself to stop making a mountain out of a molehill. School will phone our emergency contacts if it is serious. I will drive carefully wherever I go (especially as I would not have any distractions from a beeping phone) and I have not forgotten about any life-altering meetings or commitments.  The #JacaBandit will not phone me with his secret location either.  (Although I live in hope)  And, on both occasions, it did not make sense braving the road works and slow traffic through Fairlands, just to fetch my phone.



The initial panic put aside, there was the other reason for a slight “without-my-lifeline-panic”. Pure #FOMO (fear of missing out).

What do I do when I am waiting for the kids to finish swimming?

I catch-up on Facebook

What do I do when I am stuck in traffic?

I read whatsapp messages (only when I am standing still, I promise)

Bored standing in the Dischem queue?

Twitter is my go-to

Because that is what we do. We have forgotten how to cope with “doing nothing”.   We don’t have patience, and we are certainly less tolerant than we use to be.  Just watch people around you in situations of “waiting”. 9 out of 10 people will be fiddling on their phones.  Because these little devices have so much to keep us busy with!  News apps, exercise apps, nutrition apps, story writing apps, pintrest, and many many games.  We don’t have to make small talk with the strangers around us while waiting to renew our drivers’ licence.  Because we have our phones. And with a flick or two we can disappear into another world until we are at the front of the queue.


The grade7’s did an exercise at school, answering questions related to whether they are addicted to their phones or not. Cailin said her results showed that she wasn’t. (I didn’t want to burst her bubble by reminding her that if one’s phone is taken away one can’t check it every 5 minutes)

“You are definitely addicted to your phone,”

she confidently informed me.

“Yes mommy, you are on your phone all the time,”

Jessica chirped from the backseat. I couldn’t even deny it, because, yes, I am on my phone a lot. I am inquisitive and need to know things.  And when there is Wi-Fi – all the more exciting! We, as parents, have to lead by example. Right? Right….


Baby steps, I decided. I am not one of those dieters who can go cold turkey and cut out starch, sugar, chicken without skin, watermelon, spaghetti bolognaise,  gin and tonic, all at once. So, I started by ignoring my beeps and tweets and rings while helping the girls with homework.  (Well done me) And I sometimes remember to put my phone away after 19:00. (Remember, baby steps). And I ignore Facebook first thing in the morning. I don’t have to be the first one to see, and forward, Jennifer Lawrence’s dress she wore to the Oscar’s…


So who is with me on this baby steps adventure?


Purpose and life lessons


“Mommy, what is your purpose?”


Wow, I thought, a very deep question for a 9 year old to ask completely out of the blue. The two of us had just left the packed movie house early on Saturday evening. We saw “The Greatest Showman”, which Jessica absolutely loved. And I loved Hugh Jackman *snigger*


Where do you start when your 9 year old asks you this question? Because it was such a serious question and I realized it was one of those “teach a life lesson moment”. Stuff this up, and you could send her on the wrong path forever!

“Well, I have many purposes. One of them is to teach you girls right from wrong. To teach you good manners and to teach you to be respectful. And to teach you life skills so you can stand up for yourself when I am not around.” Although that answer was most likely way too long, she was satisfied with the answer. I proceeded to tell her that there was also a life lesson in the movie we had just seen. Barnum had to work very hard to be successful, but he then thought he was better than his “different” friends, and it was when he lost everything that he realised who his true friends really were. He realised that he treated his friends the same way him and his dad was treated by other rich people. His friends forgave him for his behaviour towards them, because they liked him for the person he was, and not because he was rich and famous at one point.


Only on our way home did I ask Jessica why she asked me what my purpose was. And she recalled the movie “A dog’s purpose”. The story of a dog who lives with different families and when he dies, he is reincarnated into a different dog and then lives with a new family again. And in every new home you see the difference the dog makes in that family’s life.


A few days later, I am still pondering that question. “Mommy, what is your purpose?”. And it makes me a little anxious because I have actually not been able to come up with a simple answer. It is like I am looking for a clever phrase or lightbulb quote. Something like “I will never give up”, “You were born to make an impact”, “Happiness is the purpose of life”, “Decide what you want in life and work to get it.” But google or pintrest was not going to give me the answer, because we all have different goals, and we also have different purposes for different phases of our lives. Study to get your degree, work hard so you don’t stay the marketing assistant forever, save money to go on a trip to London, do a writing course to write that novel, actively listen to learn from people around you.


Have you thought about your purpose? And is your purpose making you truly happy? Is your purpose making you loose sight of things or people that are important to you? Is your purpose enriching or is our purpose making you selfish? Is it OK if your purpose is focused on other people and not yourself?


I am still thinking of what my purpose is for this phase….

The First Lady, the model and the cord

8 the plu

What would you do? Proceed with a case, which could possibly carry on for years? Or complete a blank cheque and move on?


This could easily be the title of a crime novel, or a badly written comedy. It just sounds, well, bizarre. If you don’t know what I am referring to, it is probably because you have been lucky enough to be on holiday somewhere where there is very little media coverage or cellphone signal. Not only has this story been dominating the *news and social media locally, but it is all over the international newspapers too. Even as far as **Australia – I kid you not.


There are many questions around the incident. Why was Grace Mugabe concerned over whom her sons socialise with? How did Grace Mugabe get access to a hotel room with restricted access? Where were the sons at that stage? Were both girls being attacked or just one of them? Etc., etc.….. Afriform, in the form of Gerrie Nel, have offered their services to Gabriella Engels, the 20-year-old model, who was attacked. Kallie Kriel from Afriform was quoted saying;

“Through my discussions she had just met them. This is the kind of thing I think we should fight. It falls in the same category as when people say a woman was raped because of the clothes she wore.”

Afriform is expecting the trial to start within the next three months.


And then another interesting thing happened. Gabriella Engels was offered a blank cheque…. For everything to just go away. How tempting must that have been? Because let’s face it, no one knows what the outcome of a possible court case is going to be. Will our president really allow his friends’ wife to go to jail? Or somewhere someone is going to find a loophole, a reason, why Grace Mugabe cannot be prosecuted. This is risky business. This opened a very interesting discussion on 702 this morning and I always find people’s opinions fascinating. The public court always has many views.

“She needs to settle”

“Lawyers are expensive and this is going to be very traumatic for her.”

“People in power should not get away with crime.”

“Gabriella is damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t.”

“She should ask for a huge amount and insist on a public apology from Grace Mugabe.”

“Accepting money will not make her forget what has happened to her.”

“Her mother is putting pressure on her to pursue the case. She should be given time to decide what she wants to do.”


It made me wonder what I would do if I was in her shoes. A 20-year old girl who has her whole life ahead of her. Who works in an industry where today you could be the most sought after, and tomorrow your portfolio is at the bottom of the pile. Whose life is going to be dissected by top lawyers who will be out to prove that you are not the victim? Paparazzi cameras constantly shoved in your face, and for months, you belong to the public. There could even be death threats, little accidents happening to your family members, friends and family turning against you. Or siding with you because they want their pound of flesh.


At the age of 20 I would seriously consider taking that cheque, writing down a ridiculous amount in dollars and go on a long vacation until the dust has settled. How awesome could her life be! She could fix her face by a top plastic surgeon, get a personal trainer, start her own modeling agency, pay magazines to use her in their photo shoots, take acting lessons, buy a house and a cute cabriolet. Write a book about her ordeal, start a charity for abused women, host her own talkshow. The possibilities are quite endless.


But this has become a high profile case now. This is not just some girl, who was attacked by a mommy’s boys’ crazy mother, in a 3* hotel in Bloemfontein. This is a full scale battle. The victim and her lawyers want to prove that a highly connected person is not above the law. They want to make a point of showing the world that even a first lady will not get away with a crime, and that no amount of money or contacts, is going to get her out of this mess.


Because of the international coverage of this incident, Gabriella Engels now has to do “the right thing” and fight this tooth and nail. She will be crucified by the press and social media if she does otherwise. And she has to fight this not only for herself, but for all woman out there how suffer under the hands of violence.


So my question to you remains – what would you do?






The Elusive Bandit

7 - The bandit

Are you the time square bandit at Jacaranda FM?


Jip, I was one of those hopefuls who went to that morning’s location. And whilst driving there, I rehearsed those very importing lines.   Because if you don’t say it right, you simply cannot win. And you could actually be standing right in front of that bandit not evening knowing it!  One word wrong or in the wrong order, and he/she would simply just deny it was him/her…..


When I got to Delta Park I first rushed to the bird sanctuary car park. And stood and watched. There were a few people scattered around, some with earphones in their ears listening out for the clues. But something didn’t feel right. Twitter then convinced that me that I was indeed in the wrong spot, as the next photo was taken at the entrance of the Environmental Centre. Which is on the opposite side of the park. Where I then rushed. What was the chance that he would actually still be there, was my first thought. With a bounty of R45,000 on his head, he would certainly not make it easy for anyone to find him? As I got out of my car, walking to the entrance I realised my next dilemma – I simply had no flipping clue what the bandit looks like! Is he young or old, Chinese, White or Indian? Is he alone or hanging around with a dog or a friend? Will he be wearing a tracksuit, to blend in with the rest of the walkers and runners or will he stand out like a sore thumb wearing a Charlie Chaplin suit? Was he hiding in between the tall shrubs at the bottom of the entrance or was he simply out in the open fidgeting on his cellphone?


And then came the third dilemma – I had to now go up to strangers, tap them on the shoulder (I think?) and recite the rhyme.

“Are you the time square bandit with Jacaranda FM?”

Oh my soul, this was truly testing the limits of my shyness. I eventually did do it a few times; after all, you’ve got to be in it to win it. At one stage a little car drove past me and stopped a few meters away. In passing, I saw a big computer bag in the back seat of the car.  One is not allowed to approach someone in a vehicle, so I couldn’t go and ask. He was waiting for someone. Within seconds a girl got in and off they went. And I am still wondering if there is any chance of one of them being the bandit. It frustrates me that I would just never know!


I still lingered for about fifteen minutes, walking and watching. R45,000 is certainly not to be sneezed at; it was 50% of a Mauritius holiday paid for!   It was quite entertaining too to watch fellow hopefuls walking up and down, some even running towards certain areas, clearly convinced they cracked the clue. There was a woman in stilettos jogging up and down the road in front of the Environmental Centre, cellphone in her hand, frantically looking left and right. Another guy with a beard and longish brown hair, with a camera bag over his one shoulder, kept being harassed by strangers. Eventually he asked me what was going on cause people kept asking him something about a bandit! I overheard two girls discussing the next clue, which was the sighting of a birds’ nest and I figured the bandit had probably relocated to another side of the park. In the car park two elderly walkers were sharing what they thought were clues of what the bandit looked like, with anyone willing to listen.


Once the trimming of the grass started giving me the sneezes and reminded me of the sinus headache I had had on and off since Saturday, I decided to give up. No family bush weekend at Kwa Maritane, no new Adidas trainers, no Holiday on Ice tickets, no laminate floors for the spare room. Just me and the physiotherapist and her bill afterwards. Sigh…..


The bandit was found that morning, by the way. At Emmerentia Park.

If you read this….

6 - Crime novels

Science fiction? Romance? Crime? Action and Adventure? Autobiographies? Which one do you prefer?


After struggling through the first few pages of a Jojo Moyes novel, it wasn’t long before it was covered in a thin layer of white dust on my bedside table. I realised that I am just not a romance novel person. Maybe twice a year? Cause let’s face it, sometimes one does need a break from one’s usual genre..  And Jojo Moyes would then be my first choice for that “scenery change”.  But the time was obviously not right yet!  In my twenties I was obviously more of a romantic. I loved Danielle Steel, Nora Roberts, Lesley Pearse, Ena Murray, Maretha Maartens. Jackie Collins for glamour and glitz and Jodi Picoult was for something a bit more controversial and serious.  These were the novels where young girls’ dreams started.  And yes, of course I could see my 20-something year old self running off into the sunset with a hunky doctor or a wealthy entrepreneur.  Driving a red Ferrari, owning a holiday home on the French Riviera, summer months living in a Hyde Park apartment, dinners with celeb chefs and famous photographers, going to exclusive night clubs with famous popstars and, at the same time, being a magazine columnist wearing designer jeans with brightly coloured Manolo Blahnik heels.   Ahhhh, how I got transported from my bedroom in my parents’ house to the streets of New York, Paris and London.


So which authors’ books fill my bookcase these days? James Patterson and the Women’s Murder Club series. Four friends regularly meet up to talk about a murder or two being investigated. They share clues and discuss theories while dining and drinking Marguerita’s at their favourite Mexican restaurant. The stories about their personal lives and challenges, makes it feel like you could easily be the fifth friend sitting at their table at Susie’s in San Francisco.

Peter James’ series featuring main character DS Roy Grace, takes place in the seaside town of Brighton. His life is certainly not boring and while solving murders, he continuously ponders the disappearance of his wife Sandy. As the series progresses, you find out that she ran away when she found out that she was pregnant. But Roy does not know this….


I find that my favourite female crime novelists are a lot more explanatory and surprisingly graphic than their male counterparts. Karin Slaughter pulls no punches. Her website states “stories that get under your skin.” And that is not an understatement. The murders are brutal, chilling, disturbing. To such a point that I sometimes have to catch a breather after a hectic chapter, just to slow down my heart rate! Martina Cole writes about the gangs that rule the East End of London. She lets many “f-bombs” drop, writes about child molestation, affairs, betrayal, paedophiles and prostitution. Ruth Rendell, Chris Carter, Michael Connelly, Jo Nesbo, Tony Park, Chris Karsten, Wilbur Smith, Michael Robotham. The list can go on forever.


My latest read is a true life story, which shockingly (and sad) reads like a novel.

“If you are reading this, then I am dead.”

A confession to a murder in the form of a letter, found under a carpet in a house in Kenilworth, Johannesburg. A cold case re-opened after 12 years – lies, abduction, excavations, secret recordings, private investigators, handwriting experts, missing files. The biggest challenge however was that this was to become a murder trial without a body. The author takes the reader on a journey into the real world. Where getting hold of DNA is not as simple as it seems on CSI.  Where people continue to lie or conveniently forget the names of roads or forget that they were actually friends with certain characters significant to the trial. Where investigators work tirelessly at the risk of their personal relationships. Where vital evidence like paper hospital records were destroyed years ago and possible eye witnesses just cannot remember what happened over a decade ago on a busy road where white men tried to bundle a black woman into a car. Where there are no tearful confessions or revelations. Where family members eventually get closure, but never find out why an ordinary woman, called Betty Ketani,  a cook at a popular Rosebank restaurant, was murdered. The book is called Cold Case confession, by journalist Alex Eliseev. In my opinion, a must read on any “crime reader’s” wishlist.


What is it that attracts us to certain genres? And what does this say about us? What does my fancy for crime novels say about me? I did some research because I was really hoping that my love for crime novels doesn’t mean I am some undercover crazy psychopath. One article summed it up quite nicely and at least confirmed that I was still, well, normal. Not many of us have the inclination to be a policeman, serial killer, drug lord or gangster, but we are intrigued by these people and novels take us to the core of these people’s lives. Due to the accessibility of social media, we are exposed to stories of kidnappings, murders and terrorism on a constant basis. But we rarely know the intricate details of these stories and crime writers fill the gaps for us.  And fortunately, in most of these novels, the bad guy is caught by Karma eventually.  Whether he/she dies at the hands of a policeman’s gun, being strangled by a rival, buried alive or just goes to jail, the satisfactory ending leaves us with a feeling of hope and that justice has been served.


Because let’s face it – “…the danger and thrill of the chase is undeniably ‘cool’.” (quote)





Happy Mother’s Day

5 Mothers day

Is there anything specific you would like for Mother’s Day?


It is one of those days that many people immediately complain about –

Just a money making scheme

You should spoil your mom whenever you feel like it and not only on Mother’s Day

The whole thing is so commercialised

Of course there is truth in this. Walk into Woolies and there they are; the big curly-swirly signs announcing that Mother’s Day is on the 14th May. And that you could spoil that special mom of yours with pink slippers, a fluffy (and very expensive) gown, or buy-2-and-save-25%-Minnie-Mouse-fleece pajamas. Red Square has 25% off on all their fragrances and takealot.com has huge discounts on coffee filters, food steamers and fitness goodies. And yes, I then jumped on the bandwagon too by advertising my tissue boxes, trinket boxes and discounted, personalised shopping bags. Because let’s face it, us moms have more than enough bubblebath and body creams and as much as we love chocolates we could do without!


The idea of Mother’s Day didn’t just fall out of the sky –

“The modern holiday of Mother’s Day was first celebrated in 1908, when Anna Jarvis held a memorial for her mother at St Andrew’s Methodist Church in Grafton, West Virginia. St Andrew’s Methodist Church now holds the International Mother’s Day Shrine.[6] Her campaign to make “Mother’s Day” a recognized holiday in the United States began in 1905, the year her mother, Ann Reeves Jarvis, died. Ann Jarvis had been a peace activist who cared for wounded soldiers on both sides of the American Civil War, and created Mother’s Day Work Clubs to address public health issues. Anna Jarvis wanted to honor her mother by continuing the work she started and to set aside a day to honor all mothers because she believed that they were “the person who has done more for you than anyone in the world”. Thank you, Wikipedia x


I must admit, I love these “commercialised” days.  It gives us an ideal opportunity to spoil and thank our moms, who, at the best of times, we take for granted. We expect them to just always be there for us, because that is what mothers do, right? And there is nothing quite as special as giving a gift that is carefully thought through and chosen, and to then see the happiness on that person’s face when they receive it.


So what do I want for Mother’s Day? I suggested to Andries that he take the girls to Clicks, and let them pick a handful of items they think I would like. I am really looking forward to seeing what the three of them came up with!


To all the mothers out there – whether you are single, divorced, happily married, young or old – happy mother’s day. And treasure those handmade cards and hugs and kisses you will be receiving.


And pretend to absolutely LOVE that cold mug of tea that is brought to you in bed.

Class of 93


How many of you attended your high school reunions?


I read in a magazine once that your 10year reunion is usually the “show-off” one. Everyone shows off their other halves, they brag about their jobs, and purely by chance they mention the car they drive and where they went on their last holiday. A simple spit-braai that turns into a huge contest, while the men are downing shooters and the ladies are discussing those who are not in their circle of conversation at that given moment.

“My wife is a fitness instructor”.

“My husband is an architect”.

“We got married in Mauritius, an intimate ceremony with only 200 guests.” “Yes, we live in Bryanston”.

“We have just returned from a 3-week Mediterranean cruise”.

“My BMW 3 series has so much power that the cops couldn’t catch me on the N1 the other night”.

It is all about showing your old classmates how successful you have become since leaving school. That you are no longer that 2-meter slightly awkward beanpole, but that you have actually become quite muscular and attractive. Or that you have replaced your nerdy glassed with contact lenses and lost your plumpness since you started cycling. It is of course also an opportunity to rekindle friendships and maybe even a relationship that broke up as people grew in different directions.


Then, 20 years one, as everyone is heading towards the dreaded 40, the picture is slightly different. The beer bellies are out, and frankly, they don’t care that they are no longer driving that sporty BMW. A double cab Toyota is way more suitable for their changed lifestyle and their growing families. Some arrive newly single, or with a second wife or a friend. And instead of bragging about themselves and their successes, the focus changes to their offspring and their achievements. Karate champions, provincial netball players, rugby captains and little beauty queens. And the cellphones are full of pictures of their amazing kids. Parents living their dreams through their children.


I unfortunately cannot talk from experience, as I have never been to any of my school reunions. I was in three different high schools, and no, not because I was a menace or I was expelled! In five years we moved from Vereeniging to Kimberley to Vanderbijlpark. As far as I know at least two of my 1993 matric groups had 10-year reunions. Living in the UK at the time, I wasn’t able to attend any of these. 20 years on, two of my schools did have reunions, and yes, I contemplated attending both. Mainly because I am FOMO (fear of missing out), and extremely inquisitive and interested in people. But I then looked for every justifiable excuse imaginable, not to go. To either reunion.

The truth is, that firstly, I truly believed that no one would even remember me. Imagine arriving at your school reunion, introducing yourself to people you remember and they just look at you blankly?

I use to sit behind you in Biology and you regulary slipped me answers? And in the holiday winter school we were part of the same group who went to Spur instead of attending extra Maths class.”

“No sorry, I don’t remember that.”

I would rather die a thousand deaths! SecondIy, I get quite anxious at the idea of going to places by myself and not having anyone to talk to. There is an Afrikaans phrase “sy staan daar soos ‘n muurblommetjie”. And that has always been one of my biggest “phobias”. Being this “sad case” person, awkwardly standing against a wall, hoping someone would pluck up the courage to talk to her, or ask her for a dance.   Even today, I will never attend a party or a function if I did not know that there would at least bone person I knew and that I could chat to.


For many years, I did however have these visions of going to my reunion facing the girls who were nasty or the boys that never returned my affections. Imaging myself as this butterfly who escaped her cocoon before entering adult world. I few years ago, working as a receptionist at a private hospital, an old school acquaintance crossed my path. He brought an injured colleague in from a nearby building site. VB was one of the cool boys, who looked up his nose at my friends and me. And there he was, standing in front of me, with dusty clothes and dirty fingernails. I was my usual friendly self, without making too much of a fuss. While he was so obviously flirting with me, asking me where I lived, etc. And I was like “seriously, four years ago you didn’t even know me and now you want to know where I live?” Giving him the cold shoulder, made me feel like I at least got my own back in a tiny way!


Recently, after an old high school acquaintance passed away, a school whatsapp groups was formed and stories and photos are shared on a regular basis. We talk about our current lives, our kids, our holidays and we even ask for advice about school speeches and marketing our businesses. I wasn’t in matric with this group, and part of me wish I was. I never had that sense of belonging in my matric year. That feeling of being part of a special group of young people. It sounds like they share fond memories and formed special bonds. The whatsapp banter amongst everyone is light hearted and there is a sense of camaraderie between most members of the group. I do wonder though if the bond is also part of the 40somethings within us that crave to be those teenagers whose biggest worry was passing an English Romeo and Juliet exam or getting a date for the matric farewell? Oh to be those young adults again!


So what are your fond, funny or memorable reunion stories?

Their future is bright


Why is it such a big deal to get your child into the “right” high school?


Will School A further my child’s aspirations in becoming a  Protea cricket player?  Will School B ensure my child gets the best matric results?  Will School C enable my child to study in England?  My parents did not have these issues back in the 90’s. We lived in Arcon Park, a leafy suburb in Vereeniging. The Afrikaans high school in our area was Hoërskool Overvaal. And that’s where I went – it was as simple as that. There weren’t any Marketing strategies by the various high schools to visit the primary schools in order to get the best academic students or sportsmen. They were all pretty similar and one didn’t stand out above the rest.  The best the Vereeniging high schools had to offer, were things like an outdoor swimming pool, music as an additional subject or boarding facilities.  Provincial rugby coaches, astro turf hockey fields, epic theatre productions, overseas school tours. Those were all foreign concepts to most parents of 20th century teenagers! And certainly not on offer in small Transvaal schools.


Maybe, living in Johannesburg, we are just so spoilt for choice? Too spoilt. And that is why we are so unsure and confused and why we are constantly fretting about which school would be best for óúr nearly teenagers. Like most of my friends, I have been to a few high school open days. And most of them are obviously keen to impress and to attract the best caliber child to their school. A friend, whose daughter went from private primary school to government high school, confidently tells me that private high school is a waste of money. That there are still some excellent government schools out there, you just have to find them and of course find ways to secure your child being accepted there.


And let’s face it, how many of us knew, at the age of 11 and 12 what career path we were going to take? Throughout my school career I had dreams about being an actress, journalist, gymnastics coach, hotel manager, beauty therapist, clothing designer. The choices varied tremendously! And, as you can imagine, subject choices didn’t come easy because I didn’t know what type of adult I wanted to be. I admired people like Michelle Bruce and Annie Malan and Ena Murray. What did that say about me back then? I don’t know….I did know however I was never going to be an engineer or a teacher or a computer programmer, so why I suffered through the agony of Maths and Maths extra classes, is a mystery. I believe there is however a small amount of young people who know exactly what they want to be and pursue that from a young age. And that makes high school and subject choices just a little easier.


I hear of schools who put a lot of pressure on academics and wonder if that is really what I want for my children? What is it that I want for my 11year old daughter who, in 2019, will start a huge chapter in her young life? High school. I want balance for her. I want her to feel she fits in somewhere and that it is OK if you are not the most popular, coolest or richest. I want her to experience there will always be families better off than us, but there will also be families a lot worse off than us too. I want her to experience life and different cultures and to explore different activities.  And by getting exposed to all these different things, find her passions.


Thank goodness high school is only in 2019. Good luck with your choices!

Civvies, teenagers and rules

4 - Civvies day.jpg

Are certain school rules unrealistic and dated?


A mini drama has unfolded on social media. Picture this – A pretty matric girl dressed in a skinny jean, and a burgundy halter neck top. Her long hair is in a loose bun and she is wearing flat sandals. She looks like most teenagers on their way to a movie or a shopping trip with their moms. Walking past her in a Mall, you might glance at her because she looks pretty, or you like her jeans or the style of her fashionable top. It all sounds pretty…. uhm, normal, doesn’t it? Not like her butt cheeks are hanging out under a pair of ripped denim shorts, or a see-through top is leaving nothing to the imagination? Nothing scandalous at all? So what is the drama all about?


The issue was that this young girl was not going to a movie with friends or shopping with her mom. She was dressed for a civvie day at her private senior school. According to reports, the school is very specific, and strict about what attire is allowed on civvie days. And this girl’s top was classified as “inappropriate”. And the local newspaper states that the head mistress said her outfit was offensive. The comment was also made that there were male staff and boys around. Implying what? That the males on campus would be lead on by her? Get “aroused” by the way she was dressed? I am wondering if there is a formal document around rules for civvies day. A document that needs to be signed by each student acknowledging that they understand the rules. Each family has different rules – we all have our own values and those are the values we instill on our children. And what is unacceptable by one group, could be acceptable to another.


It made me wonder if there is a formal guideline document like this at our school? I don’t actually know? (For bullying there certainly is)  I do know however that girls are not allowed for example, to wear make-up, or wear very short shorts on civvies days. The reason for the last mentioned, is pretty obvious. I guess I am lucky in the sense that I have an 11-year old tweenie who would rather hide her body than put it on show. So revealing, runway type clothing, is not part of her wardrobe anyway. Her Valentine’s civvie day outfit was a pair of above-the-knee denim shorts, a flowy red top finished off with gladiator sandals.  And that very Valentine’s morning she still had a wardrobe crisis because in her opinion her new shirt was too tight.  Which it really wasn’t.


This drama made me think back, over 20 years ago to be more specific, of the rules we had as teenage school girls. No make-up, no highlights, no clear nailpolish or long nails. Not even nailpolish on your toenails which are permanently in black school shoes or sports tekkies anyway. One earing in each ear, no necklaces or bracelets. Did we like these rules? Hell no! Did we follow the rules? Hell yes! Why? I don’t know. Out of fear? Out of respect? Or was it purely the times we grew up in? Our parents didn’t question the rules at schools. And as teenagers we didn’t have a say in anything. There wasn’t room, or opportunity for debate or negotiation. We had to be seen, not heard. We were encouraged to follow, not lead. Those who had opinions were cheeky and defiant. Labeled as troublemakers and rebels.


But what is YOUR opinion?


It would be unfair of me me asking your opinion, without stating mine of course. I think this situation has been blown out of proportion, by the media, and by social media where everyone has an opinion. The remarks on the school’s facebook page vary from rude, out of order, to funny and tongue-in-the-cheek.  Rules are there to protect and if you don’t like the rules of an institution you challenge them from the beginning, or choose to leave. Mentioning the presence of male staff was not a very clever move, because it implies that the male staff and male pupils cannot control themselves and if something should happen, they could not be held responsible for their actions or comments. The girl was offered an oversized, white t-shirt which she tied at the back. Why did she tie it at the back? Because it was too big or because she was trying to make a point or be cheeky? Who knows….


If this was MY child, how would I react? I would probably also be very angry. Humiliated even. Would I have vented on social media and post pictures of my daughter in her outfit? Maybe?  OK, to protect my daughter, probably not.


I guess this is an educational opportunity for all parents with tweeny or teenage children!


Be my Valentine


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Why do we make such a fuss of Valentine’s day?


Why not? I would counter question. Yes, it is a commercial “foefie” and yes, there are people who go totally overboard with expensive jewellery, hot airballoon trips, spa days, kilograms of chocolates and overpriced bunches of roses.


Even at school the kids were celebrating Valentine’s day – wearing red and pink and treating their teachers to little gifts of handpicked flowers, home made biscuits or creamy chocolates. It was so heartwarming to see all these innocent little ones, dressed in their Sunday school best, hugging their friends and excitedly discussing each others’ outfits. Cailin even got a little teddy bear in a gift bag, from a not-so-secret-admirer. She just wants to be friends, but the poor boy lives in hope….


Valentines’ day gives you an opportunity to show the one you love, that you really do value them. That they fill a special place in your heart and in your life. Because, let’s face it, we take each other for granted at the best of times. And, from my own experience, husband and wife have two different lives during the week. While I am doing grocery shopping, sorting washing, planning dinner, running errands and being “mom’s taxi”, my husband is managing staff, attending meetings and planning budgets. In some ways our lives are worlds apart and at the end of each day, we have to bury our stresses till the next morning. So we are a bit like passing ships in the night.


In my single days Valentine’s day, for obvious reasons, had a very different “feel” to it. In high school, on the morning of Valentine’s day, we would post a Valentine’s card in a cardboard postbox placed in front of the hall. Throughout the course of the morning, these cards (and little gifts) would be delivered to our classes. Sadly, I remember the total disappointment and disbelieve, when, on many occasions, I got nothing. No anonymous card decorated with red hearts, no red foil wrapped chocolate heart, no fancy fabric rose or pink helium balloon.   It was of course even worse when my best friend broke the record for most cards received in our class. Nothing like feeling like the ugly step sister. Oh boy, life and love can be so cruel.


At least as I got older, Valentine’s day became a lot more exciting. The days when little gestures were oh so romantic! A handwritten note with a white teddy bear left on someone’s desk, a fresh rose delivered via a friend. And then the overwhelming joy of actually receiving something! The disbelieve when the guy you had your eye on actually likes you back.   Or the knot in your stomach when the bunch of flowers is signed by “an admirer.” And finally, when you find the person who is your person, there are candelight dinners and romantic movies with popcorn and slush puppies. Cards are exchanged with words of undying love and ever after commitment. The stuff fairy tales are made of. And you don’t mind paying for overpriced roses or fancy restaurants.


Now that the girls are old enough to also understand Valentine’s day, it is so much fun celebrating this day of love with them. It is also important for them to see that their parents love each other and spoil each other. But they also need to realise that it is important for mom and dad to spend some time as a couple too, as that is what they were before they had you! So last night, we had a family dinner, with chocolates and candles and fancy cutlery. Before kissing them goodbye to go off to the theatre.


Out on a school night? Such rebels.